While I'm at it . . .

a little life update for those who are curious

I figured while I was logged on that I might try sharing a bit of what’s going on with me these days. We are on day two of our 16-day winter break. I don’t know what it is, but everyone is saying it doesn’t feel like the holidays this year. And I wholeheartedly agree.

For me, I think it has to do with, well, time. Time to do all the invisible work of Christmas. Time to think. Time to unwind. I have what feels like no time. I used to do what they suggest on Instagram and have a slow December. Mindful December. Yeah, right. With working in the school, this month felt anything but slow and mindful. Constant events. Constant dress-up days. Constant anxiety over sickness. Norovirus, Flu A, and various other viruses are circulating our school in full force. My hands are so dry from the constant washing, if anyone has any tips.

This isn’t complaining. It’s just musing of a woman who has gone from one extreme to the other. I definitely do miss the days of being isolated at home and being able to shop for my presents on a Tuesday at 9AM in peace. But I also am enjoying chatting with co-workers. I like helping my students accomplish things, like learning how to multiply fractions or analyze a piece of literature. I just haven’t adjusted yet, and I think that is perfectly reasonable.

I get to work a bit past 8 each morning and have lunch around noon. I get home just before 4. It’s not a bad gig. I don’t bring any work home with me, aside from a weird recurring parasomnia I get several times a week. It’s embarrassing to share, but I’ll do it anyway. I have a recurring dream that my students are lining up at the door and ready to go to P.E. or lunch or something. But I sleep in my underwear — so I panic because in my mind, the students are GOING TO ENTER MY ROOM ANY MINUTE. In my home, specifically my bedroom, as if that makes any sense. So, I stir in the night. I sleepwalk to my closet and get dressed. Again, this happens a few times a week. I’d love for it to end someday!!!

My husband and I are still working out the kinks of a two-parent working household. Fortunately (knocking on ALL the wood), we haven’t had any major illnesses. Yet. But I know it’s coming. I know that unexpected days off are going to happen. I have 13 sick days (had to take one for a migraine) and he has well over 100. You do the math, but he’s not used to random days he’ll have to take off. Teachers don’t have it so easy either. He’ll need sub plans and get all off his schedule. I get it, I get it. But, let me restate that I have just 13 days total. I need to try and build them up, you know?

I think the hardest part of the adjustment for me has been to my energy levels. I am literally wiped some days from all the stimulation. Lights. Noise. Kids talking a lot. Being on my toes trying to be an awesome assistant in the classroom. We had our holiday party on Friday . . . I returned home, got in bed, and basically fell asleep at 6PM.

My running has suffered greatly. I have been running since age 18. Through pregnancy. And illness. And injury. But I am fighting for my life trying to get in time to run a couple miles a few days out of the week. Walking feels better. I remember when I used to think “Geez, why can’t people just find time in their day to run 3 miles at bare minimum???” And now I have my answer. Life is TOUGH. We aren’t all on the same playing field. Holy moly, work-from-home Ashley, give people some credit.

I could keep writing for an eternity. I think I’ll share last that being online . . .as in, Instagram online . . . has been really difficult for me. I just don’t have the energy anymore to share the little things. Like how I choose an outfit. Or my morning smoothie recipe. Or the link to my pants. Or anything to keep up with the more popular content creators. I saw so many inspiring things people were doing for Christmas and promptly got overwhelmed and turned off my phone. In a way, I feel more balanced living most of my life in the “real” world. Less like I have to prove myself or measure my worth with subscriber counts. But there are things I do miss about it, too.

I hope you all are doing well. It feels much more realistic for me to pop on here and do an update like this, so I’ll try to do it again soon. If there’s anything you’d like to hear from me — let me know!

<3 Ashley